The Dress

Today The Zadge got invited to a black tie charity ball to benefit the Denver Public Library.

The Hazz, a member of The Zadge's cool posse at the Top Secret Day Job (which also includes PugMama and Motor City Man), is a board member for the library.  She gave me the invite and urged me to buy a ticket and go.  


The Hazz warned that the ticket was steep ($195), but also emphasized the OPEN MARTINI BAR!! Hey! The Hazz knows her Zadge!!! Plus, The Zadge is freakin' Donald Trump now that she sold the Little Yellow House!!!  And The Zadge luvs, luvs her books!! Almost as much as she luvs, luvs her free martinis! And it's tax deductible!  So she told The Hazz she'd go.

But then, uh oh....what to wear?  I can't remember the last time I went to a black tie event.  But  I do remember that "black tie" has evolved into "cocktail attire" - especially here in laid back Colorado (for the love of god, the business men downtown wear freakin' Tommy Bahama shirts to work?!! WHAT??? as Moomskers would say!)

Then I remembered The Dress.

The Dress is a beautiful seafoam silk dress by a famous Italian design house that Moomskers bought me while we were in Florence, Italy for my 40th birthday -- it's a beautiful, simple, unique dress. The Zadge worships The Dress. On the few occasions when The Zadge has worn it, she has received glowing reviews.

The Zadge has only worn it a few times for two reasons:  1) it's pretty fancy and The Zadge ain't that damn Fancy; and 2) it's really, really small and The Zadge cannot be sporting any Gelatinous Muffin Top at all in order to wear The Dress.

So, knowing that in less than 10 days, I have to proudly sport The Dress, I decided to have THIS  for dinner:

Do you know any starlets or models who recommend eating a huge plate of white flour pasta, tossed with olive oil, parmigiano cheese, and salt (oh, and a little arugula for taste) a week before their red carpet event? And then top it off with a big ole' vodka-tonic?

NOOOOOOO!!! And that is why The Booklovers will just have to love the Gelatinous Muffin Top in The Dress next weekend!!

Because what kind of week would it be without some Harry destruction?

By the way, the top was nowhere to be found.

You can see that he feels really terrible about eating mom's medicine. At least he won't get a cold!

Homage to the Sausage

The Zadge is a recovering vegetarian.

In 1986, I stopped eating meat. Not for moral or religious reasons, mind you. No, I stopped eating meat because I got food poisoning from a Wendy's hamburger. As I lay on the bathroom floor, expelling Wendy's burger from every available orifice, I swore that if I lived, I'd never eat meat again.

And for two decades I didn't. (Well, after about 10 years, I added chicken to the rotation, after my hairdresser suggested I needed the protein to fluff up the "baby goose.") Then one day, out of the blue, I just decided it was time. Time to rejoin the meat-eating world.

So I dove in. And here's the thing: The Zadge now loves, loves bad meats. Sausage? Meatballs? Pepperoni? Bring it!

To honor my recovery, I made this Sausage-White Bean-Tomato soup this weekend:

Other than the sausage, it's really quite low-fat and healthy - and totally easy to make.

First, you saute two chopped garlic cloves in some olive oil. Next, add two cans of these, including the juice:

I used a potato masher to mush them up, but you can just use a knife in the pot to cut them into small pieces.
Then you add two cans of these:

It would be better to use fresh white beans, but you need to soak them overnight in water, and The Zadge came up with this little recipe an hour before she ate it, so no time for the soaking. Hence, the canned beans. Now here comes the really good part - the sausage!! Just brown up about a pound of hot Italian sausage (out of the casings) and toss it in the pot with the tomato-bean mixture.

Then all you have to do is add some fresh oregano, salt and his friend pepper, and simmer for about 15 minutes. Then add a big bunch of arugula and let simmer for another 5 minutes.

Voila! That's it!! Pour the soup into a big bowl, top with some shaved Parmigiano Reggiano and enjoy with a big hunk of crusty bread! Bon appetit!

(If you want to make a milder version of this soup, you can use mild sausage instead of hot, and spinach instead of the peppery arugula. And if you want to be really healthy, you can substitute chicken sausage for the real, bad boy sausage - but why would you want to?!)

The Beauty of Facebook

Here's the bad thing about Facebook:

** people who post "I'm dropping the kids off at school" at 8:00 a.m." and "I'm picking the kids up from school" at 3:00 p.m. (or some other banal drivel) -- EVERY FREAKIN' DAY!
** people who play FarmVille and Mafia Wars 
** reconnecting with the hot, Ralph Lauren model ex-boyfriend only to find out he turned into a bloated, needy, unemployed stalker who The Zadge then nicknamed "The Blowfish" (just hypothetically speaking, of course)

But here's one of the good things about Facebook:

This is Stash!

Stash and I went to college together, a year or 23 ago. I hadn't seen or spoken to her in more than two decades. And then, a few months ago, we found each other on Facebook. Through Facebook, I learned that she's married to a Kiwi, has two kids and lives in a tiny town in Vermont, running an educational non-profit.

Because of Facebook, here we sat, 23 years after graduating from UVa, together at Mezcal, a Mexican restaurant in Denver.  Stash was traveling to Denver for work and sent me a Facebook message suggesting we get together.  So we did, doing exactly what we did back when we were 20 years old:  drinking, laughing, and talking about life!

Despite the years, Stash and The Zadge sat and talked for hours as if we were back in Charlottesville just kicking back after class.  (Perhaps the "kicking back after class" via drinking might account for The Zadge's less than stellar G.P.A. in college?).

After a couple of beers and margaritas, we decided to call our former roommate, Smellen Ellen (just a nickname, she smelled great in real life!), whom neither of us had talked to in a looong time.  The bar was loud.  So we decided to call her from the bathroom....


We all briefly caught up, while other patrons of the bar peed and heard us yaking about how Facebook hooked us all up decades later!! (Stash and I were encouraging Smellen Ellen to get on FB).

So all in all, moments like that are worth dealing with the day-to-day banality of Facebook!

A Few Recommendations

1.  Read "The Help"



I just finished this debut novel from Kathryn Stockett.  Loved it!  (So did the New York Times).  It is a fascinating (and disturbing) story of black maids in 1964 in Jackson, Mississippi, the white women who employ them (and, basically, treat them like shit) and the young rich white girl who decided to write an expose about it all.

I kept thinking as I read this book, wow, I was born the same year that all these gripping descriptions of discrimination and racism occurred.  Despite the fact that it's a novel, and the setting is Jackson, Mississippi, I have no doubt that this book portrays life as it was in parts of the country back then.  We have a ways to go, but thank god we're not there anymore.

"The Help" features great writing and character development. I can see the movie already:  Chandra Wilson, from Grey's Anatomy, HAS to play Minny!!  Who will play Aibileene and Skeeter?

2.  Listen to the waitress.

My former colleague and good friend, Motor City Man, is in town for a few days.  So a couple of us went out to lunch today at this great casual Italian restaurant, Osteria Marco.  They have great pizzas, homemade sausages, and creative salads.  The Zadge had the Margherita pizza with some of the homemade sausage tossed on top. Yum!

Oh, and a glass of this:

and Motor City Man had a glass of this:

....and then we both had another!  Lunchtime fun!

Meanwhile, Motor City Man had ordered the Rapini pizza, a spicy number featuring rapini, sausage, garlic, chile flakes and mozzarella.  When the waitress brought it out, she warned Motor City Man NOT to eat the large garlic clove sitting smack dab in the middle of the pizza, saying it was just there for flavoring.

But that warning came halfway through the second glass of vino!  Guess who forgot what the waitress said?


While The Zadge and Motor City Man ate fat-laden pizzas and drank wine, our colleague, PugMama, had a salad and a diet coke.  And this is what PugMama looked like at the end of the meal:

I think the lesson here is, go with the sausage and wine!!!

3.   Smile

After work, The Zadge decided that she had to work off that sausage and wine, so she took Harry on a 3 and 1/2 mile power walk around beautiful Wash Park.  Rockin' out to my iPod while I pulled Harry away from the tantalizing goose poop littered on the walk, I noticed that almost everyone I  passed was smiling at me. Then it occurred to me that I was actually unconsciously smiling as I walked: the weather was beautiful, the flowers were in bloom, my stress is gone and I guess I looked, well, happy!

And I realized that a smile begets a smile!  So from now on, in addition to my unconscious smiles, I'm going to consciously  smile.....and get some more return smiles!!!

Loose Threads

Updates on some previous posts:

1.  The New and Broken Bracelet:  I e-mailed the jewelry-maker and she immediately offered to restring the bracelet and get it as good as new for me.  Yea!

2.  VineMan from Match.com:  The right answer is definitely "Stalker!"  After the six unanswered e-mails from him that I wrote about in my last post, VineMan sent TWO MORE FREAKIN' e-mails!!!  He definitely needs to change his username to "StalkerMan."  Ba-bye!!

3.  The Bloody Inspection of House #3: Surprise!! The Stubborn (and bloody?) Seller has agreed to fix every single thing The Zadge asked for - new sewer line, new outlets, new pipes!!  We decided not to ask her about the, uh, FREAKIN' BLOOD all over the floor, but do hope that it is gone by the time of closing in three weeks!

4.  The Little Yellow House:  Is Gone!!!! Although I loved that house, I have not a shred of regret about leaving it for the blue skies of Colorado!  And for the first time in my adult life, I also have not a shred of debt either: no car loan, no credit card debt, no student loans, no mortgage!!!  Free at last, free at last!!!

5. The Fin Fan Club:  I saved the best for last:  The Fin Fan Club is coming back to Denver in 3 short weeks!!!  Yes, Sista and The Fin are heading back to help The Zadge gussy up the new house!  (Sista is an extremely talented artist, with a great eye for color, etc.)

The Zadge is so happy and feels that good things lie ahead!!!

Return of the Devil

I know --  he's been quiet.

You've been thinking he's all grown up and well-behaved now. That there is no more Harry drama.

Au contraire, mon fraire. (et mes soeurs!)

See, today, Denver got hit with one of those weird cold storms that come out of the blue in Colorado in September. It was 80 degrees over the weekend, and 38 degrees when I woke up this morning to walk The Shone and The Spawn of Satan.

It was so cold that The Zadge had to don her favorite winter hat for the walk (Which comes in handy to hide the bed-head-from-hell)

Here it is:

Do you see the cute round ball on the top? Or the cute tassle ties on the sides?

Noooo, you don't!! Because apparently, while The Zadge was getting her wage on today, The Devil's Spawn decided to kidnap the favorite hat off the kitchen table and eat off the best parts.




He's baacck!!!!!

Let's Start a Revolution Part 2

I watched the Emmys last night.  Jessica Lange won for her role in Grey Gardens


I've always loved Jessica Lange - thought she was a natural beauty who shunned the Hollywood scene (she lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, where I went to college). Oh, and hubby Sam Shepard is a stud.

But what is going on with her face?!!!  She looked sooo weird!!  I know the pressure on Hollywood actresses to "stop the aging" must be enormous - for the love of god, I feel it everyday and I'm no movie star (the Sharon Stone haircut notwithstanding).  But Jessica? You? Why?!

Seeing her last night reminded me of a quote I just read from actress Angie Dickinson: "Plastic surgery is about which way do you want to look bad - with it or without it!"

The question is: when are we going to start laying blame where it belongs - the media, the magazines, the movies!  When can the public opinion influencers stop making women feel that they have to look like they did at 30 in order to be valuable?  My god, everyone woman I know today, who I knew at 30, is soooo much more interesting, entertaining and accomplished -- and therefore attractive --- NOW than she was THEN.

There have been a few baby steps.  Dove Soap's "Real Beauty" campaign.  Glamour magazine and model Lizzie Miller.  But those are more about weight.  How can we start a revolution to get the media to value and celebrate women over 35 instead of ignoring/shaming/criticizing aging women?!

Suggestions?

Surprise!!!!!

The Fin had his first birthday this week!!! So my sister planned a big family party for him at her awesome farm house in Pennsylvania.

It's a 200-year old house on 10 acres with a pond.  And she has a turret for god's sake!!  Everyone was coming - Moomksers, Moomskers' brother and sister, my brother's family, my brother-in-law's family....everyone!

Except for me.  Cuz, well, I live 2000 miles away and we had just celebrated Fin's birthday here in Denver two weeks ago.

But every once in a while, The Zadge gets a wild hair (Every once in a while?  Are you kidding me? It happens about once a week!).  And she got one two days before the party,

See, I was feeling an anticipatory monetary flush from the impending sale of the Little Yellow House, so decided  to throw caution to the wind.  I impulsively bought a plane ticket to fly out the night before the party and surprise everyone.  This involved a series of lies to the family -- "oh, I'm going to be tied up in a meeting all day Friday [uh, really traveling for 12 hours] and will have to have my phone off" and "oh, I'll call in on Saturday to the party and will miss everyone!" 

So at 6 p.m. on Friday evening, precisely 12 hours after I left my Denver house in the early morning darkness, I snuck into Sista's farmhouse.  She heard the dogs barking and walked into the kitchen staring at me like she was looking at a ghost ---- you should have seen the look on her face!!!  Then the screaming and jumping around began.  "Oh my god!!! What are you DOING here?!! Oh my GAWD! Mom is going to die!!"

The Fin was very excited too:



After we stopped screaming and jumping and hugging, we all gave The Fin a bath...



He drank a toast to my big surprise:



So then Sista and I had to keep it secret until everyone else arrived the next day. We giggled all night about how Moomskers would react the next day and how we would keep it from her....including strategizing over the "Friday Flowers" blog post -- those were flowers I cut from Sista's garden!!  I went to sleep with one of Sista's dogs snuggled up next to me, under the utter quiet of the country, happy as a clam.  (Clam??? Who came up with that? Since when are clams known as really happy crustaceans?!)

Saturday's party arrived, and The Zadge got to pop out over and over again saying, "Surprise!", as each of the guests arrived.....I haven't had so much fun since The Fin Fan Club was in town!

The boys all went fishing at the pond:



My brother-in-law's brother-in-law (let's just call him "Big Sean") was the only one who caught anything other than a breeze:


The Zadge decided to show the boys that a girl can catch 'er some fish too!  My 10-year old nephew patiently showed me how to throw out the line and reel it in.  I gave it a whirl - and lookout! - the fly went out almost to the other side of the pond!!! Yippee!! "Wow," said my 10-year old nephew, "look how far she threw it out."

Then I went to reel in the line....spinning the reel, spinning the reel, but nothing came.

Turns out, I hurled it so hard I broke the freakin' line off and it was floating in the middle of the pond!



We grow 'em strong out here in Colorado!

Then it was back to the house for the cake and the presents!



The Fin was the star of the show:





He loved his card that sang George Clinton's "Atomic Dog" the best!


The Turd Fergusons had a real good time:


So did The Zadge's posse:

Things got a little blurry after the kids went to bed.....

(Photo by Big Sean)

But very clear in the morning....
A beautiful place, a beautiful family, a beautiful weekend.

Friday Flowers

The Zadge loves flowers.

Especially when they come from a special friend -- a professional gardener -- who let me wander around her garden tonight taking my pick of the last blooms of summer.

Happy Friday!

The Money Pit

Ok, so I was wrong.

The broken bracelet was not an ominous warning about the closing tomorrow on the Little Yellow House.  No, I read those cards wrong.

It was an ominous warning about the inspection on House #3 this morning!  Baby Jesus of Bethlehem, not a good morning on the inspection front:

1. Serious cracks and leaks in the sewer pipes running underneath the backyard and garage (uh, this means that -- eewww -- human SEWAGE is pouring into the yard.)
2. A boiler that hasn't been serviced in 15 years
3. Leaky pipes leading to said unserviced boiler.
4. A toilet not properly attached to the floor, causing "movement" - the inspector warned me not to let any "heavy" friends use it.
5. Ungrounded outlets.

Not good.  Fixeable, but costly.  But the kicker for The Zadge was not the poo in the ground or the shaky shitter or the potentially electrocuting outlets.

No, what really got The Zadge was ........the freakin' BLOOD SPOTS ALL OVER THE DOWNSTAIRS FLOORS!!!!!

I zadge you not - a large trail of dark blood spots down the hallway, into the kitchen and back out to the family room.

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO FOUND FRESH BLOOD DURING HER HOME INSPECTION?!!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY ME?

Say what?!

You may have heard The Zadge bitch about The Damn House That Wouldn't Sell.  As a result of paying for two houses while earning only a one-house-salary at her Top Secret Day Job, The Zadge has been on a starvation financial diet for many months now.  No spending on anything other than life's necessities, like food, utility bills, dog food and vodka (Come on, I did trade in the Ketel One for the cheapo Smirnoff).  If spending translated into eating, The Zadge would be anorexic.

Well, the closing on the Little Yellow House is this Friday.  Huge, long exhale.  The Zadge will no longer be living on the pauper budget she had when she was 22 years old.

To celebrate, The Zadge bought herself a little somethin'-somethin':



It's a triple-strand bracelet made of small gold beads and a beautiful bluey-green semi-precious stone called "apatite."  I discovered it when I was looking at open houses last week and one of the listing agents had it on.  When I admired it, she said her friend made jewelry and could make one for me.

So she put me in touch with the jewelry maker and I went back to the listing agent's open house this past Sunday and she had it there for me.  Thing is -- I didn't know how much she wanted for it.  I was kind of expecting to pay around $75.

The listing agent handed it to me, and as I tried it on, she whispered, "And it's only $160!"

Well, The Zadge, normally calm, cool and collected, panicked.  Yikes! More than I wanted to spend.  But it was really pretty.  And I was too embarrassed to say it was out of my price range....so.....I bought it.



So here I am tonight, photographing it so you can all share in the joy of The Zadge's first frivolous purchase in months and months.

And then ... this:



It is suddenly freakin' broken!!! I hadn't even touched it, other than turning it around for a better camera angle!

My first discretionary purchase in 6 months and it breaks? Of course it does. It's me!!!

I hope this isn't an omen for the closing on Friday.

Damn! She's a Dame!!!

In the midst of my Nyquil/Sudafed buzz this weekend, I watched "State of Play" with Russell "I apparently haven't missed a meal since my last movie" Crowe and Ben "I'm lucky anyone gives me the time of day after that whole JLo debacle" Affleck.  It's a political thriller/newspaper drama set in my hometown of Washington, D.C.  (I loved being able to identify every building shown in the movie.)  It was good...but there was one part of the movie that was GREAT:

Helen Mirren!!!!

She plays the Editor of the Washington Post Globe.


As the Editor in Chief of D.C.'s preeminent newspaper, she is smart and tough and cool and confident, with a dry wit.  But at the same time, she is classy and sexy. And she looks fabulous throughout the movie.



I was utterly mesmerized by her: she was so freakin' cool!  The woman is 64 years old and was a supporting actor in a movie featuring two HUGE male "hunky" movie stars, and she stole the show right from underneath them!  And I think in real life, Helen is probably just like the character she played in the movie. 

Helen is my new idol.  I want to be her.

She's a classically trained British actress.  She's won an Oscar, an Emmy, a Golden Globe, blah, blah, blah.  She's a freakin' DAME anointed by the British Monarchy!!!!

And for the love of god, would you look at the figure on this senior citizen?!!!



Baby jesus of bethlehem - she looks better in a bikini at 64 than most girls do at 22!!!!



But here's the best part: with all her looks, smarts, talents, and coolness - Helen didn't get married until she was FREAKIN' 52 YEARS OLD!!!!!!

Is there hope for The Zadge?  Ok, so I don't have the Oscar, or the Royal Title, or the British accent, or the fabulous boobs.  But it doesn't matter - Helen is 'da bomb, she's totally inspiring and she gives The Zadge hope!

Memo from the CEO of the Fin Fan Club

To The Fin:

I miss you.

The Shone, Harry and Lips miss you.

Can you (and The Fin Fan Club East Coast Entourage) please come back to Denver soon?