The Fearless Muppet

Halloween is not one of those holidays that gets The Zadge all jazzed up.

Oh, sure, back in the day, I dressed The Shone up in a cute little prisoner costume, complete with a ball and chain, and had all the girls over for Apple Martinis (uh, I did say "back in the day") while we drunkenly threw Snickers and Milky Ways into little ghosts' and witches' plastic pumpkins.


But now that The Zadge is a little more mellow, she sits at home in Old Vicky, with a big bowl of this:

while she tries for FIVE FREAKIN' HOURS to get the stuff on her old laptop tranferred over to her shiny new laptop.  Several cute trick-or-treaters came by, shyly asking the same question, "How many can I take?" 

But the highlight was little two-year old Isabella.  Dressed up as some sort of purple muppet-thing,she came to the door with a lollipop in her mouth.  But as soon as she saw Harry and Jackson peek their snouts around the door, she dropped the pop and just strode on into Old Vicky like she lived there.

Not an ounce of Fear. 

Not of the dogs or the adult (that would be me) or the strange new place....Isabella just cruised around like she owned the joint -- pointing out to her parents that I had a fire going in the fireplace, then noting that Harry was a bad dog, and then just planting herself on the couch and petting Harry as he gnawed on his bone.
I think we should all strive to be like Isabella the Purple Muppet-thing.

Dragons, Monkeys, Rats and Dogs

I LOVE MY NEW 'HOOD!!It's a quiet residential neighborhood, with unique, old houses, but right around the corner is a block of little local businesses that is all a Zadge could ever need.

Zadge's favorite is the Ace hardware store - The Zadge loves her home projects! (Good thing, huh, since I just bought a creaky, crooked 1896 Victorian!) In fact, The Zadge loves this little local, anti-Home Depot hardware store so much, that when The Sista was in town last week, The Zadge confided that she was convinced she was going to meet Mr. Zadge in the freakin' hardware store!

There is also a coffee shop, a market (with a mini post office in it!!) and a dry cleaners. Plus, three restaurants - Italian, Greek and Chinese! Why would a girl ever need to leave her block?

So during the pre-Halloween snowstorm this week, The Zadge ordered Chinese food from the local joint...while waiting for the food, I picked up one of their placemats, depicting the signs of the Chinese horoscope:

I'm a Dragon:

I read this short description and thought, "Wow. Dead on. Where's my Monkey or Rat?"

Then I googled "Chinese Horoscopes" and found a link so freakin' DEAD ON in describing my personality (well, about 90% of it) that I literally almost tossed my drink and fell out of the sofa:

Maybe the ancient East philosophers know something that us modern Westerners don't. Maybe it really does matter that I'm a "Dragon." Well, they clearly have one thing right - if I am going to marry, it will be late in life, since I am already a freakin' 45-year old singleton.

So now I'm thinking, the Ace Hardware store and the Chinese Restaurant placemat directive to marry a Rat or Monkey late in life CANNOT BE A COINCIDENCE! 

I think Mr. Zadge/Monkey/Rat will be found in the local Ace Hardware store. Agreed?

Oh, and P.S. just cuz I like to post more pictures, the actual fortune in the cookie last night said:

Safe to say, the only two creatures(well, actually, probably only one)that fulfill this fortune are The Shone and Harry:

Snow Days

The Zadge has been a whirling dervish!  Just four short days after moving into Old Vicky, the boxes are unpacked, the furniture is arranged and the pictures are hung.  What helped accomplish this was the fact that Denver got hit with a freakin' foot and a half of snow:

Guess there will be no al fresco dining on the back deck:

Remember those packing boxes I showed you a few days ago?  Check them out now:

The Zadge's Top Secret Day Job had its "Liberal Leave" policy in place.  The Zadge is a Liberal, so she took the day off!  The streets were quiet and pretty in my new 'hood:

I took the Boyz to the nearby park, where they ran around like they were both little puppies!

Harry tried to run away, but I lured him back with the false promise of treats:

The snow wiped them out:

and getting Old Vicky in order has wiped out The Zadge!  Photos of the new Old Vicky coming soon!!

Landing a Man vs. Expelling the Mortal Enemy

I know when I started this blog I promised tales of, among other things, romantic adventures.  Yeah, well, the only action The Zadge is seeing these days is in the backyard of her new house.  Here's what it looked like today at 6:00 p.m., when the last fucking freakin' box was unpacked and thrown into the yard:

Ok, you say.  You're all done with unpacking. Get down to some luv business already!
Yeah, sounds good.  Except, you did not anticipate that every waking (and frankly, non-waking/shitty REM sleep) moment of mine would be consumed with frantically responding to each new "surprise" that pops up in Old Vicky. (My new nickname for the 1896 Victorian I bought from my Mortal Enemy, the bloody, filthy, lying, cheap-ass seller - perhaps I've mentioned my animosity toward Mortal Enemy before?)

So I have officially "lived" in Old Vicky for 3 nights now. And since moving in three days ago, I've had to:

1.  Have a plumber come out to fix the shower -- on my first shower Sunday morning, the shower head sprayed water all over the entire room and flooded the floor.
2.  Have the same plumber repair the garbage disposal with the loud grinding noise - yeah, that happens when your Mortal Enemy puts a freakin' screw in it!
3.  Have a heater-guy come out and figure out why there was no heat coming out of the 10 radiators in the house.  No worries, it was only 30 degrees outside.
4.  Have the floor guys who installed the new hardwoods on the second floor in place of the HEIN Mortal Enemy wall-to-wall carpeting spend TWO HOURS trying to re-attach all the doors that were all hinked-out by whomever Mortal Enemy used to hang them.

If that wasn't enough, tonight I tried to do laundry for the first time since I moved in.  Do you see the big yellow electrical extension cord in front of the washer?

Yeah, that would be because the fucking freakin' outlets in the laundry room don't fucking freakin' work!  (I'm trying really hard to get rid of my gutter mouth, but, mother-of-god, it's impossible in this damn darn house!)  Have to hire an electrician tomorrow.

And then I thought I would check out the upper bathroom I stopped using because of, in the plumber's words, "the cheap plastic shit she [Mortal Enemy] installed," and I got a good look at Mortal Enemy's lovely cabinets:

I'm starting to think she's not just filthy, cheap and bloody, but also fucking freakin' crazy.  Who lives like this?  Then I went downstairs - here's a view from the top, having just had the Mortal Enemy's hein carpet removed.  Do you notice anything?

Like the fact that the treads have actually pulled away from the wall, thereby having ZERO support?

So, in addition to pretending to carry out the Top Secret Day Job, not to mention going to the doc to diagnose the on-going sinus/sneezy/tired/coughy thang I got goin' on, THIS is how I spend my days.

So, for now, THERE WILL BE NO HOT SEX ROMANTIC ADVENTURES!!!  But maybe I'll meet Mr. Zadge at the hardware store I am frequenting three times a day?

To Unpack or To Blog, that is the question

So some people (hello Sista!) keep asking, "Why the hell aren't you blogging?"
Here's a picture of my new dining room at about 9:30 p.m. tonight:

See all those boxes and wrapping paper? That's what contained my "dining room life" that I just unpacked. It looks like a whole lotta stuff, right? Well that mess represents only a) my beloved Italian hand painted dinnerware to be placed in the green hutch, and b) some lame "art work" thing-a-ma-bobbies to hang on the walls.

So, can you imagine what unpacking the IMPORTANT rooms -- for example, the Zadge's loveshack bedroom or the kitchen -- entails? If you can, then you must call Sista and say, "Beeyotch, The Zadge is trying to turn this bloody, dirty, neglected, falling apart, leaky, old Victorian sad-sack into freakin' Halle Berry, so lay off on the blogging pressure!"

Capiche?

Moving Day

Pimp this ride:

Moving day at last. Welcome to my new home.  Like the Box Decor?

When we moved from D.C. to Denver last year, Tulip hid in the basement for three weeks.  I zadge you not.  But look! Three hours after first hiding in the basement in the new house -- Lips is above ground and exploring the new digs!

But it's been an exhausting day....even the boyz are wiped out.  Sweet dreams!

Pick my kitchen countertop!

I need your help.

The usually decisive Zadge is waffling. On the new kitchen. Can I get your thoughts?

For the past 4 or 5 years, I've had a singular vision for my "dream" kitchen: white cottage/traditional, with white cabinets (some with glass panes), white marble countertops, stainless appliances and a backsplash of glass subway tiles in very light blue-green.  It's all I've thought about and I was all set to go for it with the upcoming major kitchen remodel in The Zadge's new home.  This photo by Susan Gilmore shows the general concept of my vision for my kitchen:
(Oh, and I actually had that very same rug in The Little Yellow House until Harry, the dog from hell, had giardia-induced vomiting and diarrhea all over it!  It's called "Margarita" from Dash and Albert, a great maker of casual, colorful rugs.)

But then I started seeing the white cabinet/marble countertop combo in every design magazine.  And when I started really researching marble as a countertop, I saw warnings everywhere: it's softer than granite, and will "etch" immediately if it comes into contact with acids, particularly fruits like lemons and lime, and stains from things like red wine and olive oil.

Uh, hellloooo, I use all of the above on a daily basis, particularly the limes in my evening vodka tonic!  And have my wino friends over all of the time!! So recently I started thinking I should let go of the marble countertop idea.  Recently, I fell in love with my real estate agent's granite countertops. A beautiful, light green granite with white veins, called Coste Esmerelda:

But then I thought that the green would be 1) a little too much green, what with the planned island/peninsula and the countertops, and 2) that such a distinctive color might limit resale value (The Hazz did walk in my office after viewing the photo and say, "I really don't like green.").

So I started to think about keeping the whole white cabinet/light blue-green glass tile backsplash concept, but to have a cool, dark soapstone countertop instead of the white marble.

Actually, I think these countertops are probably honed dark granite instead of soapstone, but you get the idea.  I like this concept a lot, but I still can't shake the marble countertops from my head.

Then I stumble upon this picture on the web of a gorgeous white kitchen with light gray counters (soapstone?) and beautiful blue Ann Sacks tiles.

Oy vay, baby Jesus of Bethlehem, what is a girl to do? 

She's going to ask you!

Choice #1: White cabinets/white marble countertops/seafoam glass tile backsplash?
Choice #2: White cabs/Esmerelda green granite counters/white glass tiles?
Choice #3: White cabs/dark soapstone/seafoam glass tiles?
Choice #4: White cabs/light grey soapstone/mosaic blue glass tiles?

Don't worry if you pick one that I ultimately don't use - you just won't be invited to the blowout housewarming party!!

Natural beauty does not come cheap

Close your eyes and listen. Can you hear it? "Ca-Ching! Ca-Ching!" It's the sound of the ugly duckling turning into a swan.

The new house is getting a complete make-over: new floors, new paint, new kitchen, new light fixtures, new rugs, new everything. But beauty doesn't come cheap. (Just ask my dermatologist.) So The Zadge has been passing out the ole' Benjamins right and left the past two weeks.

But it's working! The ugly, brown, bloody duckling is turning into a swan. I thought you'd like to see the "before" shots:

Here's the foyer/entrance to living room - painted brown, naturally:

Sista already turned that ugly vinyl door into a dark teal blue swan. 

Here's the brown living room. You can't really see the huge gaping hole in the wall that is behind that radiator cover I ripped out:

The stairway - the halls are also painted a shade of brown.  You can't really see the gross stains or smell the smoke trapped in that carpet that covers the whole upstairs:

The pocket doors that lead from the brown living room to the even browner dining room, with the hein chandelier:

A blurry photo of the dining room with the hein chandelier, drapes and radiator cover.  I was so repulsed that my hand was shaking during the photo:

Two doors from the dining room: the one on the left goes to the tiny, cheap-ass "remodeled" kitchen and the one on the right goes to The Smoke Zone - where the previous owner sat and watched TV while she stank up my whole damn house:


I do love the exposed brick:

Here's the "remodeled" kitchen, with its cheap-ass melamine cabinets, butt-ugly cheap granite, and mismatching appliances:

One of the guest rooms - guess what?  It's painted dark brown!

The master bedroom, which was actually the least hein of all the rooms (other than the smoke smell and the hein carpet):


But the transformation is almost done (well, not the kitchen - two more months for that!) and the Big Move is this weekend.  "After" photos up shortly!

The Fin Takes Denver

I miss them already!!! The Fin and Sista headed back east this a.m.  But what a good time was had by the Fin Fan Club!

While the East Coast was suffering through a freezing, rainy weekend, it was gorgeous and in the 80s in Denver!

We took The Fin every morning for a beautiful walk around Wash Park.

The Fin loved his bucket swing!

He made friends with little puppies.

He hung out in his Pack-n-Play, while The Zadge and Sista de-hein-ified the new house.

He ate at his very first restaurant!!! First night out was Indian food. Guess which one of these belongs to The Zadge and which to The Fin?

And then he dined out at his second restaurant in his life! Italian, in The Zadge's new 'hood!

All of this walking, swinging, laughing, and dining out just tuckered out The Fin.

How much do I love this guy and his momma?!

HGTV has nuthin' on the Sista!

So let's just start this post off in the best way possible:

WITH SOME SO-CUTE-I-COULD-EAT-THEM-FOR-BREAKFAST-FIN-TOES!!!

I give you that cute little photo so you can stand the not-so-cute photos that follow.

See, now that The Zadge owns her new house (although not actually moving in until next week) -- she's starting to discover all the little interesting butt-ass ugly things that the previous owner put into the house.  Here's just a little taste - an amuse bouche, if you will -- of  some of the wonders that The Zadge has discovered in the past couple of days:

A lovely chandelier from the "faux-gold-faux-colonial-but-I'm-real-tacky-1982" era:

Cheap, yellowed metal radiator covers, falling apart in every room:

Huge gaping holes in the original plaster wall, revealed when The Zadge ripped out all of the aforementioned HEINOUS radiator covers:

Sad, depressing 1970s era polyester drapes that have trapped the lovely smoke smell from the previous owner:

But we can't forget the collection of dried roses hung in the mudroom - my cute little real estate agent freaked when she saw this and said, " Get these out of here - horrible feng shui!"


That's just a taste of what The Zadge and the Sista have been facing this weekend, trying to ready the house for the official move-in next weekend.

But can we shout out some praise for the Sista? Baby Jesus of Bethelem, the girl rocks!!

She just walks on in, plops the Fin in the Pack-n-Play borrowed from The Hazz, and is OFF getting this house freakin' straight!!!  She picks paint colors, she plans out the landscaping, she pukes over the light fixtures and the dirt-dog-diarrhea paint scenario.  Then she says, "Oh my god, we have GOT to get rid of those HEIN curtains!"  And she just jumps up on a ladder and does it.

And after I say, "Ugh, I hate that cheap-ass looking white vinyl door, I'm going to buy a new one", Sista says, wait!  I can paint it to look great:

And by god, that is exactly what she does....

...and the rebirth continues!!!