Getting Married Later in Life?

Meet The Zadge's friends, Jude and Mrs. Jude:

Jude is an old friend of mine from D.C.  We were colleagues together at the D.C. Top Secret Day Job. And doesn't he look like Will on Glee?!

His name isn't really Jude.   See, The Zadge calls people "Dude."  A lot.  She's really hip that way, using a tired term from the 1990s.  And she used to call him Dude, but because he is Jewish, The Zadged morphed it into Jude, which The Zadge thought was a riot.  It doesn't take much.

Anyhoo, Judey was in town this past weekend for our friend Blumie's son's bar mitzvah, which I couldn't attend because of the Fin Fan Club.  But I was able to tear myself away from the 'Club for a couple of hours to visit with Jude and his new bride, Mrs. Jude.

Now this was a big thing, meeting the new Mrs. Jude.  See, Jude has been a single guy about town for a very long time.  In the 15 years that The Zadge has been friends with Jude, she has seen a lot of girls suffer broken hearts after dating the handsome man that many thought would never get married.

But the thing is, one day, just a year ago, he got set up on a blind date with the future Mrs. Jude, and bam! That was all she wrote.  Two months ago they were married.  And they both seem as happy as can be!  She's a doll and The Zadge is very happy for them both.

And seeing them made The Zadge realize that maybe she too will meet someone after years of singledom and then, Bam! 

And guess what?

I'd advise you to be sitting down for this.

The Zadge has a date this weekend.  A blind date. With a cute, age-appropriate man, who went to college and graduate school, has a job, a dog and a house, and is not going to be shaking his wretched towel-covered Canadian thang at her.

Anything is possible, no?

The day The Zadge turned into a Mommy Blogger

You know how one day you suddenly realize, Baby Jesus of Bethlehem, I've become that person. The one who thinks the kids play their music too loud, forgetting your own years of listening to deafening music.  Or the stiletto-wearing woman who claimed she would never wear ugly comfort shoes.  And now you do.

Well, today I've become the dreaded mommy-blogger.  Except that I'm not really a mom, although the Shone and Harry would say differently.  But I do think that my nephew is the cutest thing on the planet and cannot resist the urge to share every utterly charming thing he does with the blogosphere.

I'm an Auntie-Blogger:



But look at this face - can you blame me?


The Fin had a busy social week during his stay in Denver with The Fin Fan Club (or The Blondies, as we re-dubbed ourselves).  He dined al fresco:


He dined in fine establishments called "Noodle & Company:"


This happy moment was right before The Fin puked up his mac-n-cheese all over himself:


Which required The Sista to remove The Fin's vomit-soaked shorts.  So The Fin spent the day running around Colorado in just his diaper and his Crocs:


He tried to catch balloons:


He went shoe shopping.  Clearly, he has inherited some of his Aunt's genes:


Colorado is filled with wildlife, but The Fin was not scared:


Most everything he did in Colorado involved trucks, or "TRUK" as he says:


It wasn't all fun and games for The Fin.  I put him to work.  He watered himself my garden:


He swept up in the kitchen:


Except somehow, that involved TRUK too:


But all that activity makes a 23-month old very tired:


And he ended up falling asleep every night in his favorite spot - on Moomskers:


The Fin Fan Club had a fantastic visit and I was so sad to see them leave.  After I dropped them off at the airport yesterday, I came back to a quiet home.

And all that was left of The Fin was this:


Thanksgiving can't come fast enough.

Saturday Sayin's

When The Fin Fan Club is in town.......

The Zadge's Latest Shopping Spree

The Zadge is so excited about her latest shopping spree!

Look what she bought:

Don't worry, those aren't for me.

Neither are these:


I'm pretty good at my ABCs, at least before the second vodka tonic.

Even though I don't own a farm, I bought these farm rigs:



I know it's odd that I'm excited about buying stuff like this, instead of my usual sprees on iPads and cameras and lenses.

But that's because this messy little eater is coming to Denver tomorrow, along with the rest of the Fin Fan Club!!!!


Yippeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Bauer, McSteamy, Sue Sylvester, where are you when I need you?

The Zadge saw something last night on television that scared the bee-geez-us out of her.

This extremely truncated "forehead" on one of the Real(ly Heinous) Housewives of New Jersey:

My god, her hairline starts just above her eyebrows.  Premature newborns have bigger foreheads.  Is there even anywhere to inject the Botox?

The Zadge really, really needs the fall T.V. and football seasons to start.

Saturday Sayin's

There's a felon in the house!

Harry's currently on parole.

Did you know that Harry spent time incarcerated?  Like, real prison. The Pokey.  The Clink.  The Hoosegow.

And I'm the one who put him there.

See the Denver jail has a phenomenal dog training program.  Inmates, who have been taught dog training skills, train your dog in all of the standard obedience commands, general good behavior and also teach them tricks.

Oh and did one tricky puppy need some serious obedience training!

He fooled me in the beginning. He was so cute and happy:



On his first day home, there were little clues.  He seemed a little confused when his little 8-week old self first met his older brother:


No, Harry, he isn't your mommy.

Then I put him in his crate to nap just a few hours after picking him up, only to find him 30 minutes later here:


This should have been a clue too:


But I thought he would learn from his angelic older brother:

But he refused to listen and learn from The Shone:


Unless he was asleep:


And The Shone was just as sweet as can be to him, despite how annoying he was:


But then the cute little pup started turning into Satan.

Do you think when The Zadge shelled out hundreds of dollars for those shoes they looked like this:


Then there was his Hat-Eating-Kick:

And of course, there was the disasterous consumption of the baby blanket that The Zadge had been knitting for months for The Fin:

That was the last yarn straw.

Into Prison he went.  For 5 and a half weeks, he slept in a cell with a female inmate, who trained him.  After his sentence was up, The Zadge went to pick him up from the prison.  The inmates put on a show with all the dogs and everything they had learned.

The Zadge wept with joy.  Harry had turned from The Devil into The Darling.  Apparently, he was the smartest dog in the prison, and charmed all the inmates every night performing all of his tricks for the ladies.  The Zadge gratefully thanked the female prisoner who transformed her dog and asked her when she was getting released, because prison also provides boarding to dogs who have been through the program.

"Oh, I'm in for life," replied Harry's trainer.

Gulp.  A quick google search revealed that Harry's trainer had committed one of Denver's most heinous murders 18 years earlier: she, and her 16 year old sister and her sister's 18 year old boyfriend had bound and tortured a federal judge's son, stabbing him 15 times, including in the face, and pouring bleach down his throat.

Gulp.  No wonder Harry listened to her.

Harry doesn't act up much anymore, but when he does, I pull out the bleach bottle!

What I Love to see most in my Rear View Mirror

Again, please don't try this at home!

The Zadge's Summer Pasta Unrecipe Recipe

You may have noticed that The Zadge has not been posting many of her cooking adventures here lately.  There are a couple of reasons for that.

Like weeks of hot as hell weather that really don't make you want to run and turn on a hot oven.

And travels to D.C., Santa Fe, Crested Butte and New York City, where you are happy to pay someone else to cook you a good meal.

And the fact that The Zadge's Gelatinous Muffin Top seems to go away when she's not whipping up gourmet meals for four that she then ends up eating all herself because she forgot to invite the three other diners.

But the weather was cooler this weekend in Denver, The Zadge was not traveling, and the GMT was back anyway as a result of the Fried Food Fiesta at BlogHer, so The Zadge fired up the stove.  I didn't have a recipe in mind, so I just pulled out some of summer's best stuff and decided to throw it in some fresh pasta.

This is all you need (please be patient while The Zadge gets all Pioneer Woman in your face with the photo documentary):

Fresh summer corn cut from the cob, diced heirloom tomatoes, chopped basil from your garden, crumbled goat cheese and - this is the most important part - applewood smoked bacon.  The bacon is the key.  Get the good thick cut slices (I bought just 3 slices from my Whole Foods meat counter - it cost a whopping dollar) and dice, then cook in a skillet until slightly crispy.  Put on a paper towel to drain.

Now all you vegans and vegetarians and pescetarians who are reading this and thinking, "Oh, I'll just skip the bacon" - STOP!  You MUST include the bacon.  And The Zadge understands where you are coming from because she herself ate no meat for 19.5 years and just started adding it in bits to her food repertoire.

But bacon is freakin' awesome and The Zadge doesn't know how she lived without her pig for so long.  And this recipe has so little bacon in it that you don't actually eat it, it just flavors the pasta.  So tell yourself that you really aren't eating bacon at all.  Or just close your eyes and pretend it's damn tofu.

Then whip up some fresh pasta.  It's easy-peezy!   Oh god, Pioneer Woman and Rachel Ray in one post?  My laptop might implode.  Stop me when I hit my "Yaw'll" Paula Deen stride.


All you need is a mixer with a pasta attachment.  Just run out and drop a cool $400 if you don't have one, then run back.  In a bowl, lightly wisk together 3 eggs, 1 Tablespoon of water, 1 Tablespoon of olive oil and a pinch of salt.  Pour it into the mixer bowl along with 2 and 1/4 cups of all-purpose flour and blend until the mixture forms a ball.  (Add a little more water if it is too dry).

Then knead the dough for 2 minutes, wrap in plastic and let sit for about 30 minutes.  Just enough time to enjoy your first vodka tonic of the night.  Unwrap the dough and roll into a log about 2 inches thick.  Cut horizontally into 1 inch sections.  Then feed the sections through the pasta roller (starting with the widest setting, moving up to the thinnest setting) until you have wide, thin sheets of pasta. You can then cut the pasta sheets into rough strips, or put them through a cutter to make, for example, fettucine:


Then you can put the fettucine on the mixer and, because you've had a vodka tonic, crack yourself up that you've made Mrs. Pasta Head:


Take the fettucine off of Mrs. Pasta Head's head and drop it in salted boiling water for a mere 2-3 minutes.  Drain and dump in a bowl.  Add all the chopped ingredients from above, drizzle with olive oil and salt and pepper, then mix up.  The heat from the pasta will melt the cheese and make an ooey-gooey awesome sauce.  The smokey and salty bacon tofu will balance out the sweetness of the corn and tomatoes:


The Zadge and her Gelatinous Muffin Top just loved this! We hope you do too!

Saturday Sayin's

Because The Zadge is a Glutton for Punishment

When The Zadge bought Old Vicky last October, there were a few things she loved about the house.

Her age.  She was built in 1896.  With age comes character.  At least that's what The Zadge is going with since she herself is now starting to show her age.

Her bones.  High ceilings, beautiful crown mouldings, hardware floors, fireplace.

Her location.  Old Vicky is in the heart of the city, but has a huge park just one block to the south.  To the north one block are three restaurants (Italian, Chinese, and a wacky Greek/Jewish/Mexican joint), a market, a dry cleaners, a coffee shop and a little hardware store.  What else does a girl need?

Well, a liquor store.  But I digress.

Now, what didn't The Zadge love?

She did not love the kitchen.  But that was okay, because her plan all along was to buy a house that had a heinous kitchen so that she could a) get it cheaper, and b) renovate it the way she wanted.  Which is what she did.  And if you were following this blog last winter, you saw the end result of that kitchen renovation here.

She also abhorred the upstairs bathroom.  And decided that she just could not live with the heinousness and had to renovate that too.

Then she lived in the construction zone for three months, without a kitchen and with the dust, noise, disruption and, uh, cost, and suddenly decided that she could live with said hein bath for at least six months until the PTSD of home-renovation wore off.

Hello!  It's six months later and The Zadge has forgotten the pain of childbirth home renovation.  Guess who is about start her Heinous Bathroom Renovation Project?!

Shall we take a little "before" tour?  Here's the wacked out shower:

Notice the bathtub, sized for an oompa-loopma.  Note that The Zadge, if she was missing her right breast, could have been an Amazon Warrior.  Notice the odd small glass panel pretending it had actually grown up into an adult shower door.  Notice the lovely light fixture and tile from that high end home design boutique, Le Home Depot. Notice the roll of toilet paper sitting on the edge of the tub - because there is nowhere to hang a toilet paper holder!

Notice the hand-held shower head, lying lifeless on the bathtub floor:

That's where it always is, since there is nowhere to hang it.  And on the mornings after The Zadge's housekeeper cleans the house, The Zadge inevitably steps into the shower, only to get blasted in the face from the hand-held joint shooting water all over the room because her cleaning lady forgot to switch it back to the shower head.

And then there is more salvage Home Depot cabinets and fixtures:

Do you see the hand towel holder on the wall to the right of the sink?  No, you do not. Because it fell off and left a gaping hole the week The Zadge moved into the house.  Oh, and one of those two lights above the mirror never lights, so The Zadge has developed a serious fear that one side of her face is aging much more quickly than the other.

The previous owner of Old Vicky actually put the house on the market with all the handles on the cabinets falling off:


Here's the lovely gold-n-chrome faucet:

My Method handsoap cost more.

Oh, and did I mention there is no freakin' heat in the bathroom!!! Think how that feels when you are standing soaking wet on a 20 degree winter day.

Enter Babe the Builder to the rescue!  Starting right after Labor Day, Babe the Builder will be leading the charge to transform the Hein Bath into a soothing and clean room where our Amazon Warrior can at least fit in the bathtub.

As with the kitchen, I'd love your input!

Right now, the design concept is a white bathroom: white walls, white toilet and tub, white pedestal sink.  For the floor, I think I've decided to go with a White Thassos marble-with-ming-green-dot-basketweave tile:

The only color in the room will come from honed ming green marble 3 x 6 subway tiles on the shower walls, like this sample on the right:


More design decisions to follow.

Since we are gutting the entire space, Babe the Builder thinks this might take two Baby Jesus of Bethlehem months.  The Zadge hopes The Babe is just setting The Zadge's expectations very low so that she will be pleasantly surprised when her new spa bath is done in just a month.

Right Babe?!